Sense of importance and society!

I often imagine life in various hypothetical situations such as comedy movie, drama movie, theater etc. I think it’s my way to put a comical ink on a serious canvas. It just come to me naturally in my head. My favorite are sitcoms, in fact, I am a huge admirer of them. They fascinate me on so many levels including narration, humor, limericks and many more. They presents the hardships of life in believably funny way. I just love good humor. I think humor is all a person need to survive in unkind world. If you ask me, the best part of sitcoms is the non judgmental live audience. The idea of supercharged hundreds of people following and supporting every little detail in the picture is just exhilarating. Moreover, its gives a sense that whatever is happening is kind of important. I would love to have that feeling that a big number of people are interested in my life. When I was a kid, I read in some book that “sense of importance” is most important for humans and i realize it to be true as I grew up.

I have quite a firm grip on the fact that how unimportant is the life of particular human. People act how they deem suitable and it has nothing to do with you. At a certain point in my life, I stopped trying to be important and focus my energy in being a regular guy. However, I don’t think I am very successful in being a regular guy.  On a serious note; we, the people, are living in incredible pressure of not to be mundane, not to get lost in the banality of common life. The pressure of society has made some of the most beautiful aspects of life unbearable. One of such aspect is struggle; it’s a natural process life is supposed to be hard and nothing worth having comes easy. Everyone moves with their own pace and takes time to reach somewhere. But society does not gets that.

As an Indian, I have always felt that there is an extra pressure of society on the young in India. People just expect you to successful and what makes it worse is that they make a benchmark of success for you. You are not allowed to choose if you are successful and satisfied enough with your life. There is always a kind of pressure and deep-seated judgment. I have seen this pressure done some irreparable damage to very good friends of mine. I think the equivalent of “young and the restless” will be “young and the almost hopeless” here. In western society, I don’t think the issue is big but I did notice some basic traits of judgments.

I don’t know why this judgment is there but it’s there and looks like it will always be. Maybe, its one those characteristics that makes us social animal and has been there since the genesis. I am almost convinced that ancient humans would also worry about this stuff. However, I am not able to imagine an analogous scenario where a caveman/woman wakes up and saying I am going to say/do something that will get at least 50 likes from fellow caveperson. Of course, they must had their own battles such as who as more tooth necklaces or who has killed more bears.  Now, I think that humans are the weirdest creatures.

I think I just mentioned a problem without its solution (so it’s officially whining). I don’t think its easy to change the deep rooted perceptions in society. Maybe we can start with treating young differently when we are old. I would love to live in the world in which society gets a bit easy. To be honest, I don’t care anymore; It often does not bothers me anymore, maybe, I am just getting old and realize sometimes its better to give up the fight. Nevertheless, once in a while I would like to live an easy-going life without judgment and people just laugh off at my blunders not to remind me of failure.  And I often thought that’s how it would feel like if life was a sitcom, where one can use a catch-phrase and everyone will laugh and forgets everything.

Mistakenly mistaken

I am sure that, in your digital life, you must have come across the articles titled as 20 or 50 mistakes people make/should avoid in your life. I think the basic idea behind such articles is that a large number of people will relate to which is true. Recently, I landed on such an article and let me tell you it was surprisingly accurate. After reading the article, I can’t help but wonder if there were some mistakes that I could/should have avoided. My brain does not understand that such questions are strictly rhetorical in nature and starts narrating the embarrassing deep buried moments of my short span as human. This blog post is the result of one of such evening when I tried to dig deep and apparently could have avoided.

Mistakes are mysterious link that connects us with ourselves through space and time: what we were, what we are and what we will be. They teaches us, guides us and in the process shapes us. I, for instance, have being carved and moulded by such lessons. While writing, I realized that it is hard to talk about mistakes because a lot of baggage is connected to them. Right now, I am having some very strong reactions as analysing life brings up the long deep forgotten moments. Nevertheless, I will try. There are numerous instances where I have been oblivious, arrogant, inconsiderate, irresponsible, selfish and weird. But rarely, it’s been repeated; I don’t mean to say that I have never been stupid (and others things mentioned above) twice. I assure you… I have been spent significant amount of life being stupid. I want to imply that if I have been one kind of stupid- I learned from it and rarely been again that kind of stupid.

When I was a kid, I was told that life is too short of commit all of mistakes on your own, therefore better learn from other’s mistakes. I found this quote quite vague. Some part of me was always reluctant to believe in it. A basic nature of this quote is self-explanatory and appears to be universally applicable. But again there is a big flaw, you can never actually walk in someone else’s shoes therefore you can never go through what they have actually been through. The best lessons I had in life are the one that I have experienced myself, and were not taught to me by anyone else. I enjoy this hit and trial method of life. However, I would love to avoid mistakes that hurt others. This happens often dealing with relationships. I know relationships are a tricky business and best way to learn is by jumping with both feet in. I recently went through such an experience with someone and ended doing some irreparable damage. I could have avoided that if I knew better. Honestly, I am getting a bit tired of making mistakes, maybe I am getting old or maybe I am just scared. I am not sure of the place where I am right now. I recently turned 28 and still living a life of a wanderer. It bothers me how unstable my life is right now with not knowing what to do next. On the other hand, it feels like world is my oyster; so there is my silver lining.

Nevertheless, no matter how much I think about mistakes that I could have avoided; I think the mistakes can be blessings disguised in pain. They are necessary part of human experience and in a way unavoidable. I can help but wonder how it would feel like living without out instincts and judgements. It sure will be peaceful but will be a life of animals. It turns out that I am bit jealous of animals for not having a developed mind. On a more serious note, I am sure that you all will agree humans are bound to make mistakes and I can say for me that there is no other way I would have avoided the pattern of life that I have lived. I can laugh at my mistakes now but often they ware darn painful. I am grateful to mistakes; they have helped me shatter the deep-rooted perceptions. They have helped me to keep check on my ego. I am sure will be careful in future as I stand on the path of many possibilities. I would like to mention that I find myself incapable on some level to make the right decision as I think of challenges that lies ahead; but, I am sure that the future me will be wise and smart enough to make the right call. I trust future me!

broken people are most miraculous!

We all complain about life; about how unfair and disappointing it get sometimes. People usually gets disappointed by failures, bad relationships and events – that they can’t control. I am no exception; often, I choose to whine about stuff rather that being thankful for what I have. I think it’s the innate human nature to question the cause of something. Since the origin of our timeline, we have been told that universe are governed by some laws. Every phenomena, no matter how vague it appears, is explicable; from emission of x rays to evolution of life, every thing can be explained and well reasoned. We are brought up in a way that we are suppose to reason stuff. However, I think we trust this education too much and start applying to daily life. I think by now you must have realize that  events of life are quite random to be explained by some basic laws that we know, It can be argued if there are even some laws that controls our everyday life-If Karma makes sense; if destiny exists or not. But, lets not do that today.

Today, I would like to talk about how this disappointing incidents effects human life. Moreover, I will put stress on some rare gems among us who live their life as they wish, regardless whatever life throws at them. I would like to make it clear that here disappointment is not something that usually people whine about. I would refrain myself to give some examples as I am no judge of measuring the events of life. I am a firm believer that everyone has their own battle to fight and I have no business in judging them. But we have to agree that life hits some persons harder in comparison to others. I keep on running into such persons once in a while. Every persons behave differently to disappointments: some become skeptical, some start using humor as defense mechanism because they are too afraid that people will know that they are broken. There are very few who are so damaged by such events that they loses hope. They start believing that the world is evil and they have to be similar to deal with it in right way.

Above of all these, there are some who got polished by hard conditions and shine like a diamond. Their brilliance attracts one. They are kind, honest and helpful. It has been inspiring when you hear the outlook of such person towards life. However, You can see in their eyes that they are broken somewhere inside, when they talk about it. But they dont hide their vulnerability. Honesty, one can only try to imagine the pain they have to go through and hope that no one else has to go through it. But I do advise you to take a lesson from them that be thankful for what you have. They take pain they have and manufacture something extraordinary and unbelievable. They are aware that pain is already there, they have learned to live with it, happily. I would like to mention some amazing lines from one of my closest friend. One should live with it, without judging it. Dont fight it, don’t resist it. The laws of physics itself states that the higher the resistance; more is the magnitude of counteracting force. I believe it takes a lot of courage to accept this and follow it in adverse conditions.

I see pain and suffering in this world everyday. Sometimes, I do wish that I can make it better place to live and help others.  I often end up without having a significant contribution. But, when I meet persons like these it gives me hope and restores my faith in Humanity. Honestly, life would have pretty grim if I would not have met such persons. To me. their story represents real life fairly tale that I always look for and make my belief stronger that everything will be alright in the end.

Goodbyes! necessary evil.

If I remember correctly, I was never good with goodbyes. I am talking about few years ago. I used to avoid them to an extreme extent because it was less painful. A such example coming to my mind at this instant is that I never visited farewell party during my Bachelors. Yeah, you got it right …. I was kind of stupid. so I never said goodbye to whole class of my Bachelor studies…. It always felt that something is missing. This event shaped my life from then on as I always felt bit empty. I did went to see each of my friend at least once after finishing my Bachelors. Just to have a closure.

I realized that closures are really important to me. and this behavior can be seen in my daily routine very easily. It’s not like that when I say burn the bridges that I actually make paper bridges and burn them. I leaned that you have to lower the expectations  somehow because with time, even best friends drift apart. It happened to me but I have made peace with it. I say goodbye so that there are no expectations, if we makes plans in future I am suddenly the happiest person on this relatively dark side of earth. It works quite good for me. Recently, I said goodbye to all of my friends in Finland. In fact since my Bachelor studies, I have said goodbyes to many important persons in life (surprisingly, without any drama 😉 ).

I feel that goodbyes dont scare me anymore. I am usually happy that i met someone rather than being sad about being left. I just hope that they remember me as a good person and smile once in a while remembering me. I guess I never know if I will be remembered at all but I know I will remember each and every important I met. I always say that you can do amazing things but you will still remember the people more with whom you did it rather than the thing itself. so I thank every single important person I met in this journey till now and I will conclude by saying you really made an impression on me. for now I say goodbye, but I do hope that our paths cross at some point in our life.

Importance of Nemesis!

Sometimes I like to think -What are the factors that motivates me, and have , in one way or another, most significantly contributed to make me person I am today. It sounds like I think very highly of myself (which actually is true) but I am trying to say it in less egoistic and more in self esteemed sense.

Surely, faith and hope tops this list; that something bigger is taking care of me and something good is around the corner. But among others, I would like to say the biggest is this idea of having a nemesis, an arch enemy.

My arch enemy is not an individual, I think an individual is too less significant to have any kind of hate and vengeance. I prefer to choose thoughts and ideas than an individual throws at me. This way, I just avoid an intense love-hate relationship :).

Along the road called life, I met some persons that I told me that I am not good enough for particular task. I like to recall those memories sometimes and what’s amazing is the amount of satisfaction I get in thinking that I did okay.

I think its a blessing to have a nemesis. that checks on you, criticizes you once in a while. It makes sure that you deliver your best and settles for nothing less than you deserve. Moreover, It makes life more interesting and you feel more accomplished. Furthermore, Its great for your self esteem.

So next time you feel an immediate anger and hate towards anyone; don’t let it bottled up- harness it, use it to push you to do unpredictable and achieve the aim that seems so far. Trust me ….. It is really fun!

But I would like to warn you about one thing that you should be careful about – whatever you do, never ever try to do something to please anyone else. You should be doing it for you and not for any other thing in the world.

Indian diaries 1

Greetings from India!

I was once told that I will face severe culture shocks when I visit India after spending a long time abroad. It might be true because Finland and India are quite different in social and cultural aspects. It does make sense as once you get comfortable with living at a certain place; everyplace else is outside your comfort zone. It amuses me when I observe my behavior when I am outside my comfort zone. I deciding to document my experience as it might be interesting.

I caught a bus to Helsinki airport from Tampere keskustori in afternoon of Tuesday. I can feel the exuberance, when I was waiting for the boarding of my flight. It had been a year and a half since I had been to India. It was a happy feeling to see so many Indians together. Suddenly, I felt that there are more smiling faces looking at me than I used to. Maybe, it’s because everyone was happy for going home or I had something on my face they were laughing at, which I confused with smiling.

I boarded the plane, kept my luggage in the compartment above my seat and was thinking about how life has changed in past couple of years. Suddenly, I overheard a very strong Hindi accent like one from Haryana. I rummaged around and saw a couple of guys sitting on opposite side of aisle. There it was, my opportunity to have a small talk. Small talks are not usual in Finland and rarely happen in social situations. I asked them where they are from and I was right they indeed were from Haryana. I had a comfortably long conversation with them during my flight as most of my time I was busy watching “The Dark night rises”. Though, I can’t help but notice that they had kind of rude sense of humor but I was enjoying it. I missed that kind of humor.

I landed at the airport at 6:30 AM. I went to collect my baggage; I was keen on finding out how will I react to the crowd as there are much more persons in India compared to Finland, and to my surprise, I felt comfortable. I was really happy that I am not one of those Indians who spent couple of years abroad and start complaining how crowded India is.

This does not means that I did not get shocked. I was uncomfortable with the behavior of person on the immigration counter. He was asking how I had visa after going to Finland as there is no stamp on my passport from Finland. I showed him my Finnish residence permit, he gave me a perplexed look and I smiled in return. He told me to move forward.

Another problem I was having was greetings, my instincts were telling me to use “Moi” instead of hello or Namaskar and “Kittos” instead of Thank you or dhanyawad. I think that’s normal and happens to other also. This was not it; I almost thanked my mother couple of times for having me over dinner.

I came out and I saw a familiar sight of taxi drivers waiting for foreign passengers. I just took a bench in a quiet corner and waited for my family to come and pick me up. They were late, but it gave me an opportunity to see the sunrise. The sun suddenly came out from a red horizon and shone a mild yellow light on my face. I apologize for not having any words to express that feeling. However, I am sure that you all are aware of that. I was having a weird feeling noticing the way in which people passing by were staring at me. Maybe they were thinking if this guy needs help as everyone else was coming out from arrival and rushing towards destination. On the other hand, I was just sitting there on a bench with a big smile. Now I think about, they might be thinking that I am high on weed or something. Although, a couple of guys did ask me if I need help.

Finally, my sister and brother in-law arrived. They told me that they were struck in traffic jam and that’s why they were late. It was nice to see family after a long time. I had homemade breakfast “Gobhi ka paratha” and we headed towards Muzaffarnagar, my hometown.

Till now, I loved every moment of it. But, the best moment was yet to come. We stopped at my sister’s apartment for a cup of tea. An Indian can never say no to cup of tea. I did wanted to go there as I left my motorbike in garage at her place. Let me tell you, happiness is driving your motorbike after a long time. I just took it for a ride around the area and it was so satisfying. Being a fan of “Doctor Who”, I would like to compare it to travelling back in time to 2012 and yeah my motorbike is metaphorical Tardis here. I did had trouble with left hand side driving. Anyway, after rejuvenating a pleasant memory, we continued our journey.

After 18 hours of leaving Tampere, I reached my hometown. I did not feel nauseated or like crying; I just missed the familiar streets filled with people I know.  I was pretty tired so I went to sleep soon after meeting my family. I slept for 15 hours out of maximum that day. You know you are on vacation when you can sleep as long as you want. Life was pretty much normal after that, I met my cousins who were having exams.

Something did surprise me, such as to what extent people are interested in your personal life. In first two days of my visit, I have been asked like 7 times when I am going to get married. I think a T-shirt saying “This guy loves single life” might come handy. I figured out that people are assuming that I am having a midlife crisis or they want to make me realize of my mortality. I hope that I don’t have to face these questions anymore, but I know that’s not going to happen.

As of now, I am just glad I am not that Indian who changes after spending couple of year abroad. However, I was really afraid that others will expect me to be that kind of pretentious guy.

It’s good to be back in my hometown. Though, I am not sure that I can call it home. It’s a weird feeling; suddenly a place so near to my heart is not my home anymore. I guess that’s why I keep on roaming around to find home. But isn’t this what we all do; to find a place that we can call home. More on that later! for now, I will just close my eyes, get lost in this rare silence and smell not so pleasant odor of mosquito repellant.

 

 

 

 

 

A puzzle called life!

Quite often, I wonder about the big question: What is life about? does it suppose to mean anything or its just a random entropic event governed by the laws of probability. I know some of you might argue that “It’s a rhetorical question” and some will prefer to avoid this. But I am always somehow fascinated by this question.

The way I see life is as a giant puzzle which is meant to be completed. A puzzle which is nor simple  neither complicated. It depends on individuals perception, how he/she handles with the various events. There are various types of pieces. We have some of them and some we don’t. Everything that happens to us (good or bad) is to complete this puzzle. I know some might argue that I am implying that everything is predestined. Well, its not… we are bound by the rules of Karma but that’s a complete different question and lets talk about this later.

Among all the pieces of this puzzle, most interesting ones are those we don’t have. Its the people we met. Its amazing that how we meet people and exchange ideas. They influence us and somehow completes us. I like to think that all the people that I met (both good and not so good) has given me something that was very critical in deciding the type of person I am today. They have a big influence in molding my personality.

Another semester just ended, I start realizing that every semester I met so many people and at a point they all left. Some says goodbye and some don’t. They all were such an important part of my life and there is a good chance that I will never met them again. It makes me extremely sad but I can’t complain-it’s life. I guess they have played their part in solving the puzzle and I can’t wait to see what’s ahead.